I'm Scaring Close To Insanity [entries|friends|calendar] afterall_you [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

I know we are, we are the lucky ones. [30 May 2005|11:55pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | Bif Naked - The Lucky Ones ] ( Read more... ) 3 comments|post comment

Never pay the reaper with love only. [30 May 2005|11:52pm] [ mood | better ] [ music | Bif Naked - Lucky ] Maybe we are the lucky ones? It's possible, right? post comment

[27 May 2005|12:24am] Ignore me please. I am not worth it. post comment

[27 May 2005|12:09am] [ mood | useless ] I am going to buy myself a kitten when he leaves. I will feel less alone. I miss bleeding. I miss the feel of the blade on my skin and tasting the blood and the inevitable swollen cut it leaves. I miss the feeling of running my hand over the cut and feeling the sting. I miss the sting of the cut rubbing against clothing. Why is this? I always feel like I am on the verge of crying, but I find it hard to let it out. I am constantly left with a lump in my throat. I am disgusted by my obsession with my favorite band and the lead singer. Why can't I just respect them for their music and not feel like I am entitled to know every aspect of their personal lives? Let alone cry when I find out he's getting married. Isn't that a good thing for him? My mother makes my heartbreak. Most of the times when I go to see her, she is so sad. She still loves my father and I believe she has hope that they will be together. She's so lost. And she's trying so hard to be happy. I love her so much. I wish I could take her pain away. I feel like my presence in her life has done nothing but drag her down. Finally I can cry. post comment

Stay by my side always? [23 May 2005|10:43pm] [ mood | worried ] I know you have to leave, but I wish it wasn't so. I never want you to leave me. 1 comment|post comment

You're a punk and I'm telling everyone. [17 May 2005|10:42am] [ mood | worried ] I am terrified to turn in these applications today. I am afraid to speak with the managers. I don't know why. Well, it may have a lot to do with the fact that I have no self-confidence. I have no faith in myself when it comes to anything. I will take a deep breath and turn these in and nail both jobs. I have to. I have to. 1 comment|post comment

So fragile, yet so tedious [11 May 2005|04:34pm] [ mood | nauseated ] [ music | Slipknot - Vermillion ] I just totally threw up. I have been nauseated the past three days and this is finally the first time that I have thrown up on my own. I'm kind of hoping that I have stomache cancer. For some reason I want to die. Sean is the only person who reads this, therefore he is the only one who really knows this. I'm sorry. post comment

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